Dear Renee,
I am currently building my career and moving up the ranks in the
business world, and I want a lady in my life. But I find that most
women want me to commit to long-term plans. Although I'm not a player,
a lifelong commitment still scares me.
I'm not ready for marriage right now, but I still want to be intimate with the women I date. Is this a problem?
Curt
Dear Curt,
In my seminars, I find that many men associate commitment with death or
being in jail. It sounds like you are in the "Securing Your Vehicle"
phase (as explained in my book, Love Mechanics), and you are mainly
focused on your professional life -- long-term relationships have taken
a back seat.
The reality is that even if you want to be intimate with women, you may
not have time to nurture a full-time relationship right now. Your fears
are normal and it's good that you know what you want in this phase of
your life. You don't have a problem, yet you must not get involved with
someone who has different goals than you or it may cause stress and
pain for all concerned. Be honest. Communicating honestly is important,
even in the casual dating scene. Sex and intimacy can make women
believe that you want a long-term deal, which is why you need to
communicate your needs and set boundaries that work for you. It may
sound selfish, but it shows that you have integrity and care about her
feelings.
There is another option. Why not try a short-term commitment contract?
Agreeing on this alternative means that you have mutually decided to
date exclusively for an agreed upon length of time, and you can
reevaluate the relationship again after 2 to 6 months. Discuss
important issues like sex, children, work, and money, and explore
whether both of you see eye to eye on these topics. If you do, then you
can slowly start thinking about a long-term commitment.
Renee
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Check out Renee's book “Love Mechanics”,
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