By Steve Sokolowski
I run a blog where I discuss the topic of the many games people play in
the dating arena. I've posted hundreds of articles, many of which point
out many of these troubles. Even if you haven't read the blog, you
probably are aware of some of these schemes. While I wish it were easy
to sum everything up into one neat, overlying problem, it's not that
simple. Let me point out just a few of the issues.
For one, there's a definite lack of respect in dating nowadays. People
don't even care about their partners enough to treat them as they
deserve to be treated. Gossip, ridiculously high expectations, and
rejections by ignorance are only some of the examples in this area.
Grandparents are always carrying on about how today's generation has
such a lack of respect. They talk about how, in their day, people cared
about others and banded together through difficult problems. Why do
they talk about these things? Because they're right! Through every
activity in which I've been involved, I've encountered this problem.
I'm tired of working for a hundred hours on a video project when the
president of the organization receives but doesn't bother to even reply
to your E-Mails asking him to review it. I'm sick of being ostracized
from groups because I don't care to participate in their petty
disagreements. And I'm exhausted after people expect me to work to
death in volunteer organizations!
There are always exceptions to this rule, and I'm sure that there are
many people who do have a great deal of respect for both their peers
and their elders. Unfortunately, the majority, or at least the majority
with the most influence, simply don't care.
Second, nobody is honest with themselves, let alone anyone else. Dating
has turned into a torrent of backstabbing of which even Mark Burnett
would be proud. Asking someone out is nearly impossible, because the
gossip about it has already spread to a thousand people before you make
the move. Then, when a rejection occurs (even if it's not rude), the
rejector spreads rumors around to all his/her friends that cause them
to completely ignore you, refusing to invite you to parties or even to
initiate conversations with you. The biggest insult is that even if you
asked point-blank, you'd still never get a truthful answer as to why
such harm was directed towards you.
As if what occurs after a rejection isn't enough, people attempt to
steal others' girl/boyfriends. One day, things are going well, and the
next you find yourself wondering what happened to the relationship that
was forming - that is, until you notice that person spending a lot of
time with who you thought was your best friend. No explanation is
offered, not even a "good-bye."
Third, people are not looking for someone who spends his or her time
working to get ahead instead of getting flat-out drunk, who doesn't
curse at or ignore his or her mate, and who actually makes time for
whatever is occurring between them (whether it be a full-fledged
relationship or just plain sex). They say they're looking for these
things, but in reality, they're attracted to people with the attributes
described above. "Confidence" is not the answer to the equation.
Assuming they both possess the same level of "confidence," the
above-described person would win every time over the "warm, caring, and
intelligent" (wo)man that people claim is the ideal mate.
The list of problems goes on. You might be intrigued to hear that while
the problems seem innumerable, I propose they can all be rectified with
the simplest of solutions. There's no danger involved, nobody has to
lead radical changes, and it doesn't involve an "impossible" fight
against biology.
I simply propose for men to stop asking women out.
Not for the rest of your life, but for just a short time, say, a month.
It's not impossible, and you won't have to do it as much after the
month passes. While there are a few (rare) exceptions, the vast
majority of women don't ask out men 50% of the time. Women do have the
advantage in dating, and it's time to level the playing field. Sure,
talk with women as friends, and if someone initiates a conversation
with you, then definitely reciprocate. However, let the woman ask you
out if she's interested, no matter how attractive she is to you.
Some women have never asked anyone out in their lives. It's no wonder
why these women continually treat men like they're lower beings. If
they had to put up with the rejections that most men do all the time, I
guarantee that they would have more respect for men. Women would no
longer put up with moving from guy to guy based on who was interested
in her at the moment. And spreading gossip about potential romantic
interests certainly isn't going to help one's prospects.
People need to realize that humans, for all their ancestry, are not
monkeys or horses or rabbits. They're humans, who can think and act for
themselves.
Men have so much more capacity in the dating arena than constantly
looking for sex at all costs, if they would only exercise it. It's time
to stop being prisoners to so-called "biology." Women have the same
urges men do, and they should do half the work, not 10% or 20%.
There are a lot of "seduction communities" on the Internet that teach
men how to "seduce" women. I don't know of any similar organization
that teaches women how to impress men with the same fervor.
There's my proposal. I don't think it's hard to implement. Imagine if
all the men even at one corporation or university decided to ban
together. Laziness won't be a problem, becausenobody even has to do
anything. It's time to change our distorted culture. All I'm suggesting
is to promote equality. Is that such a bad thing?
Steve Sokolowski is the editor of "Games are for Children"
(http://www.shoemakervillage.org/games), a blog that implores people to
rise above the pettiness present in today's dating world.
He can be reached at
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