1. Passivity. Just put your profile on a dating site and then do nothing. The older you are (over 35, especially for women), the gender you are (Men under 40, women over 40), the more obstacles you have that effect your marketability (too tall, too short, too heavy, not attractive enough, not enough hair, etc), the less likely it will be that your ideal someone will get in touch with you first.
 

2. Rudeness. Don't answer emails of people who don't meet your exact criteria. And if you do answer, do not be kind and/or polite in saying "no."

3. Lying. About your age. About your marital status. About what you look like. The best way? Post an old photo or one that grossly exaggerates your looks.

4. Laziness. Rather than once a day, check your email only when you feel like it. Take your time replying to emails. Do not allow for time for thoughtful responses to potential Sweethearts. Don't print off their profiles and emails. Don't make any effort to remember their names or details of their lives.

5. Generalizations. Think and say and of the following as often as possible: "There are no good men out there. All men are interested in is one thing. All women want is a fat wallet. All the good ones are married. All the good ones are gay." If that's what you are looking for, that is what you will find.

6. Rigidity. Decide what you must have and be totally unwilling to change or deviate from perfection. Refuse to consider relocating. Insist on changing nothing in your life and that potential Sweethearts totally accommodate to you.

7. Negativity. Crab about the opposite sex or your ex-partner. Be gloomy, nasty, or critical. Complain about the restaurant, the waiter, the food, the weather. Reject and/or argue about every subject your partner brings up. Criticize anything he or she tries to do to please you.

8. Perfectionism. Put off looking for a Sweetheart until you lose ten pounds, get yourself in better shape, fix up your apartment, get a new job, or have your nose fixed. Insist that he or she be perfect, too, and reject anyone who is not.

9. Be unrealistic about what you have to offer and what you can expect in exchange. Overestimate what you can expect in a partner, for instance, somebody rich to rescue you from your own poor financial planning. Or only look for "arm candy," a pretty or handsome other that will reflect positively on you -- you hope. Or underestimate your personal assets, like kindness and stability, or his -- loyalty and perseverance.

10. Ambivalence. Don't get absolutely clear that having a life partner has top priority in your life. Have reservations about how much you are willing to reasonably do. Say that you want a relationship, but act as if you don't. Thoroughly mix your messages and confuse everyone around you about your intent. Makes sure that nothing changes, and nothing will.

Kathryn Lord © 2004 All Rights Reserved